Now on to the actual details of the conversation (so to speak). I almost have to pull up the texts on my phone as I attempt to jog my memory because we actually touched on a lot of things. However, I do recall that I did make a bit of a mistake. I made the mistake of telling Rell about the night that his cousin Bo came over to my place to "chill" with me. Granted, Rell and I were not together at the time so in a sense there was no harm no foul. Kinda sorta. . . I think. . . maybe? Well, nothing happened. We didn't have sex or even kiss each other so really, nothing happened. Before that night Bo and I had actually been spending more time with each other then Rell I were (during our relationship). Rell stayed gone! Plus at the time Bo lived with us. This was the genius idea of Rell's to move his cousin in when he had to know that Bo had a thing for me. I knew it, although I tried to pretend as if I was clueless. But whatever, really Rell had nothing to worry about. I wasn't gonna do anything to jepardize our relationship, especially not with his cousin. And for the most part, his cousin was to be trusted as well. However, at the time I was not working and neither was Bo. So, this left is in the house all day, alone. There were one or two occasions when Bo would actually make me breakfast and bring it up to my room. There is nothing I find sexier than a man that cooks, and cooks for ME!! Real talk, on those days I would lock myself in my bedroom until Bo left the house. Ok, I guess I kinda had a little bit of a thing for him too. There were other times when we would smoke one together and have very entertaining conversations. It even got to the point where I kinda fell in love with his smile. He has these awesome dipples. Everytime he smiled I could not help but smile. I wonder if anybody noticed. But I digress. After I moved into my place and effectively put things on hold with Rell, for the first time in a long time I found myself living alone and I was bored and lonely. One night, I started to think about the decent text conversations Bo and I have had in the past. Remenisce about the rare times that we would actually chill with each other. So I figured I would invite him over to my place at 11pm at night. I know I know, hindsight is 20 motherfuckin' 20 but at the time I was like whatever we just gon chill. Yeah right! He got over to my place in record time coming all the way from Kissimmee/St. Cloud. I was impressed at his eagerness. We watched movies, then I got sleepy.
Wow, it just occured to me that I am about to relive this event which is something I have not even thought about too much since it happened. I'm not sure that I want to do this. Hmm, let me think about it. Oh well, here it goes. I got sleepy and decided I was going to go to bed. Before I go any further I want to mention that I did not smoke with him that night. I was still on "papers" and being randomly drug tested so it was not an option. Just wanna give you some insight on the status of my mental clarity. It was very late at this point, after 12am so I was not going to make him leave. I invited him back to my bedroom and offered him the love seat to sleep on. Yeah, I could have offered him the sofa in the living room. More room for him to stretch out and its not in my bedroom. So in hindsight I guess I kinda asked for what happened next. Instead of accepting the love seat, he climbed into the bed with me. I was like ok, whatever. But then he requested that I take my sweat pants off. . .something about . . . really I can't remember what his reasoning behind this request was but I do remember honoring it. Yes, I took my sweats off and was basically laying there in a lime green nike sports bra and a pair of lace boy shorts. In my mind I figured we might cuddle. Ha, ha, I have to laugh at myself now because it seems so ridiculous. Cuddle T, really, you were just gonna cuddle? Granted, I have had many guy friends who I have slept in the bed with and just kinda cuddled. So, my thought process was not that far fetched. Also, I was thinking that this is Rells cousin, there is no way that he would really come at me full force. I also kinda was looking forward to some male contact, I was lonely remember? Anyway, as lay there basically in my underwear, with my back turned to him in the fetal position I hear him say under his voice "hey". I turned over to look at him and this nigga had pulled is dick out of his pants and was holding it in his hand. At this point I started literally laughing out loud. Not at the look of his dick but just because he was so damn bold to pull a stunt like that. I don't know what his dick looked like because it was dark and I was not really into examining it. So I ain't gonna throw shade on him like that. Also, I was lauging at the fact that he must have thought that I was just supposed to just jump on his dick at the sight of it. Either way, my lauging must have embarrased him. I think I can recall him saying something like "so you invited me of here just to laugh at me?" My response was, "yeah I think so". I was tryna be funny. He promptly put his dick in his pants and rolled over and went to sleep. After I managed to stop giggling, I fell asleep too. He left the next morning before the boys woke up.I ain't gonna lie, I was really loney and starved for attention so if he had come at me in another way over a certain amount of time, he mighta got the cookies. I mean I was already feelin' him so it's not that far fetched. But it wasn't gonna happen that night and from his actions he kinda put the nail in the coffin because I was completely turned off!! However, I am glad that he approached me that way because it kinda caused me to "snap out of it". I mean this is Rell's cousin and even though we ain't together it would be a really horrible thing for me to do. Also, if Bo and I were to go down that path it would really have to be worth it. We would have to freakin' soul mates and meant to be together or somethin', on some walkin' down the isle type ish. Not just some "one time get it out of our system" type action. Naw, it would't be worth it to ruin a relationship and friendship with Rell. I do love that boy whether we are together or not.
This was only one topic in our conversation though, we also touch on our individual wants and needs and what was wrong with our previous relationship. At some point he invited me to come see him. Of course I was like "Oh no nigga, you ain't gonna pull that ish on me again". The last time he invited me to see him I got all excited about the possiblity of a reconiliation between us. I even made the mistake of telling the boys about it and that nigga shut me down. I was devastated, truly! So again, even though I enjoyed the chance for us to air out our dirty laundry and stuff I aint gonna get my hopes up. Plus, the thought of a relationship with anyone right now makes me nervous. I'm not really looking for anything serious. However, I have always thought that if the right one came along I might be willing to give it a try. So does this mean that Rell aint the one? This possibility is surprising to me because in my mind he has always been the one. Shhh! Don't tell him I said that, no
bueno. But, I am not gonna subscribe to this theory just yet. We'll see what happens.
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